I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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