I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize