Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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