it's like iHOP with fire
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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