ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
