What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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