Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
