so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
