Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
