I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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