The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
