My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i believe in u and ur pee
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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