We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
