I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize