Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
