Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
