captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
