remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
