I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All the doctor said was why
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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