i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
