Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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