just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
