Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize