I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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