Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
