would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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