think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
