what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
