Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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