very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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