but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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