My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
