At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
