Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
