Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize