return my video game
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
