I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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