u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
