i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
