I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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