please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
