The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
