Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
