How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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