Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
