I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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