Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
