That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
