Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
