Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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