We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
