watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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