Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
