I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
