I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
