Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize