why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
