I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
