i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
