I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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