She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
