My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
