I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
