I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
