Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
