I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
