I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my shit smells like andre
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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