i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
