i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
