No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
