i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
