we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
