They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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