I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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