i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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