Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want her autograph on my taint
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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