If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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