you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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