i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
