Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
