you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
