There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
