Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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