I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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