Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
