Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize