So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
