Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
