ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
