Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
