I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I take back everything I said about communal showers
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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