She's JV to your varsity
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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