guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i already hear my dad disowning me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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