Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
