So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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