My Higher Power is John Stamos
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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