So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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