There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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