If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
