My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
