How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
