You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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