would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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