You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
