why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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