he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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